Pop Culture Parenting - Part 1

As a pop culture junkie and a parent, it is of little surprise to me that when I reach for a handy aphorism to teach my children a lesson, it is not Aesop, Ben Franklin or Confucius that I quote, but lines from popular TV and movies.  These are far ranging in both their scope and degree of appropriateness for the assembled audience.  I don't expect them to "get" the reference.  (Hey Dad, that's just like The Dude said in The Big Lebowski!)  This is just something I do sometimes to get through the day as a parent.  I have assembled a list of my most often used movie and TV quotes and I offer situations in which you too can offer some perfectly cromulent advice.

"Do or do not.  There is no try."
Yoda (Frank Oz),  "The Empire Strikes Back"

Every child has a natural unease at trying a new task, like riding a bicycle, roller skating, cliff diving.  This is likely some evolutionary protective measure to keep them from hurting themselves.  That's what they need parents for, a little kick out of the proverbial nest.  Like a boss, Yoda tells Luke to take 10 cc's of Vitamin Suck-it-up and just get the damn X-Wing out of the water.

Other acceptable quotes to use from this movie:  "(insert child's name here) I am your father."  Yes, I know nerds, in the movie he never actually says, "Luuuke, I am your father."  Let's pretend he did.

"Coffee is for closers."
Blake (Alec Baldwin),  "Glengarry Glen Ross"

Alec Baldwin's character in the movie, based on a play, is a trying to be a Dale Carnegie level motivator and increase sales in the small real estate office.  He tells his subordinates, "coffee is for closers."  If you can't make the sale, you can't enjoy the fruits of the labor.  In my house, dessert and seconds are for "closers."  If you don't finish your meal, you don't get treats.  Some days, instead having to deal with the nutritional dissonance of saying, "If you want a cookie, you have to finish your pizza," the cookies become "for closers."

Oh, and the video, like the movie, is sooooo NSFW, or around kids, so only play the clip if you're comfortable with some swears.

Other acceptable quotes to use from this movie: "A.B.C.  Always be closing." or eating, or practicing.

"Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place."
John Bender (Judd Nelson), "The Breakfast Club"

Kids toys break.  ALL THE TIME.  Especially the crap they get at birthday parties that is imported from some Chinese mail order catalog.  That junk survives less than a day at my house.  I say prepare them for the general hardship of the world.  If you have stuff, your stuff will break.  When the kids cry about that, I drop this truth bomb.

Other acceptable quotes from this movie:  "That's what you get for spilling paint in the garage at my house.  Do.  I.  Stutter?"  Now, don't get the idea that I'm rolling up my sleeve here and showing my kids some horrific scar from my childhood or implying that the same will happen to them.  There are just some times, when the listening isn't quite happening as you would like, that you need a little emphasis without going into full on yell.  Usually this is along the lines of "Stop stepping on your sister's head.  Do.  I.  Stutter?"

Still other acceptable quotes from this movie:  "Don't mess with the bull, young man.  You'll get the horns."  Then you can make little horn fingers over your head and look both crazy and menacing at the same time, a goal I think all of us parents have.

Stay tuned for part two!