A Secret

She stands up on the high chair
Her mouth still full of food,
"Come here, Daddy
I have a secret to tell you."

If the secret is,
When you talk with your mouth full,
Food sprays across the kitchen,
Your secret is out.

Her arms encircle my neck
As I wipe her hands and face.
She bends in close to my ear and
Whispers in her husky voice.
"I wuv your heart, Daddy"

Even though I am unsure
Whether a Q-tip can get that piece of
Chick pea spittle out of my ear canal,
I love her heart, too.

Dairy Fashionista

I would think that he loves
Ice Cream enough
That he would want to get
As much as possible
Into his mouth.

Despite this
He is wearing
Half of a cone-full
On his shirt and pants.

Pollen Problem

Achoo!
Achoo!
Achoo!

The sneezes come rapid fire.
In quick succession,
They halt his breakfast mid spoonful of yogurt.

A trail of presumably
Allergen laden slime
Hangs from one nostril.

"Hey buddy can I grab you a Kleenex?"
A quick flick of the shirt sleeve answers
The question I shouldn't have asked.

Socks

Her socks are stripy AND
Her socks have polka dots
They are pink
They are green
They are yellow
They are blue
They go

All

The

Way

Past

Her

Knees

And she loves them!

Portrait of a Six Year Old

I am sitting back in a chair, talking on the phone to an old friend.
He walks into the office and flops his upper body onto my lap.
He then proceeds to beach himself like a sea lion on a sunny day,
His feet pushing against the rug, squirming side to side
Until his arms and legs are dangling and he is suspended on my legs.
I pat him on his back like a faithful pet.

He doesn't stay this way for long.
This position is not as comfortable as he thought it would be.
He elbows me sharply in the stomach as he rotates onto his back
And settles into his comfortable chair with a Daddy-shaped cushion.
He sighs, this is the respite he was looking for.

A Seuss Solution

It seems to me
That if the Sneetches without stars
Had just thrown their OWN really awesome all inclusive frankfurter roast
With a hot band and some beach volleyball and S'mores
Instead of moping about not being invited to the exclusive star party
They could have avoided Sylvester McMonkey McBean
And their countries' total fiscal meltdown altogether.

Who is going to buy frankfurters
When all the cash is in McBean's wheelbarrow?

Magical Toddler Thinking

I told her,
"The black mark
On your finger
Is from where you
Touched the dirty car."

After the car wash
She asked,
"Why is my finger
Still dirty?"

Christmas in (almost) July

Restraint.

A piercing stare into the baby monitor

Willing them to settle and sleep. 

He vowed not to go up and into their room a third time to remind them of their bedtime responsibility. 

In return

The no longer babies

Sing each other choruses of

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 

In full voice.

It is May. 

Hands grip the kitchen counter. 

Arms extend.

Head down. 

Restraint. 

I Didn't Have the Heart to Correct Him (with bonus haiku)

Look Daddy!
There are TWO baby worms
In this deep, deep hole
That you dug
With your sharp, sharp shovel!

BONUS HAIKU VERSION

Daddy!  There are two
Baby worms in this hole you
Dug with your shovel!

Creative Exercise

I am doing cleaning circles

Walk around the upstairs
Each room
Pick up, pick up, pick up
Go downstairs
Each room
Pick up, pick up, pick up
Back upstairs

I am calling this my exercise for today
3 sets of 15 reps

The Pout

She stands in the middle of the sidewalk,

Stopped for all to see.

Gather 'round.

I'm getting my pout on.

Her chin points at the horizon,

The bottom lip strained.

Birds circling overhead salivate at this juicy perch.

She sticks her arms out at her sides.

Her hands are pressed against her lower back,

Mick Jagger mid strut.

Her eyelids flutter partially sealed.

Half-closed because she wants to show

That she doesn't care what we think.

Half-open because she wants to see if we notice.  

Parenting Pro-Tip #43

If ever your daughter
Is having a stage 3 meltdown
Because she wants the shirt with

SHOULDERS!!

And it moves into Defcon 4
When you ask for clarification and only get

SHOULDER PADS!!!

And it's not 1986

She means short sleeves.

Sometimes it takes a mommy.

Trust

In a crowded park
My oldest kept running off
Without telling me where he was going
To the point that I could no longer see him.
Then he would run back to my side

I was getting upset with this.

I then realized that
He will be doing this same thing,
In different ways,
For many years to come.

I need to trust that he will keep coming back.

Picnic in Imaginationland

Well, hello!

I turn when I hear the little bare feet padding behind me
As I am putting breakfast dishes in the dishwasher.

Giraffe pajamas
Underneath an over-sized vest with a mod floral print
Holding Mommy's cast off mustard purse
Stuffed to bulging with toy food like a retiree at a plastic buffet
A trail of fabric strawberries
Hansel and Gretteling in her wake

Do you want to come to my picnic?
The animals will be there!

The Rules of Mother's Day

The only whine
On Mother's Day
Should be poured into
Mom's glass.

Sleeping

Dark.
The merciful, quiet dark of sleep.
Sweet, sweet sleep.

I hear some low shuffling
From the distant mountains.
It can't be the kids getting up,
Because I can tell from the quality of the light
Filtering through the one eye lid that is now half open,
It is clearly too early for that.

I sigh
Like the air is being wrung from me,
As I do the back to sleep
Turn-shuffle-squirm and
Pull the covers back up where they belong.

Now, where did you go
Sleep, my dear?
Oh, there.

Suddenly my hand is yanked
From its home - resting under its friend, pillow,
To a newer, more awkward position
Stretched straight out to my side,
Pinning me to the bed.

               Bandits!

Ninjas!                  Invaders!

             Huns!

here daddy you can have this monkey for you sleep
if you squeeze it tummy, it goes
OOH! OOH! AAH! AAH!

So begins another day.

Nervous

These can't be butterflies.
They must be ostriches
Suddenly gifted with the power of true flight,
Now having one hell of a row in my stomach.

My heart has left my chest.
Anxiously pounding so hard that it nears vibration.

I am sweating.

Wringing my hands.

Tapping my feet.

Asking for a raise?
Big presentation?
Proposing?

No.
My kid is up to bat.

Awake, Alert and ??

The time between
When swim practice ends
And the time we leave the building
Is subject to many independent variables.

a (number of kids) x b (number of active issues per kid) to the power of x (amount of sleep each kid has had) - y (how badly they want the treat that comes for getting ready quickly)

It can last minutes or verge on hours.

To facilitate getting the older ones ready,
I lay out the clothes their clothes on the
Wooden locker room bench.

Pants.
Shirts.
Socks.

As I set the clean underwear
On top of the stack,
I notice that the six year old has packed his
THURSDAY
Underwear.

I pause.
It can't be Thursday can it?
It's Wednesday, right?
No it's Tuesday, it's definitely Tuesday.
Tuesday?

Only a parent can have their temporal orientation shaken to its core by a pair of day-of-the-week underpants.

Locked Out

I am following my girls
Into the backyard after having spent
At least fifteen minutes
Corralling them toward the stroller
For a quick walk to the neighborhood store
Via a detour through the park for some time on the swings.

In that time they have prepared for the
Five minute trip
Like it is an antarctic expedition.
Water bottles - filled
Rations (cereal) - packed
Gear (sunglasses) - outfitted.

Wooooooooooomp
Slam!

As I pull the back door closed behind me
T  i  m  e   e  x  p  a  n  d  s
Then
Stops.

I still have my hand on the knob of the shut door
As I hear in my head,
The door is locked
Your keys are inside.

My heart skips.
As it begins to speed up, then race
So does time.
But now faster than normal,
Moving so fast I can only see single images.

Flash!
I see the girls in the stroller getting antsy
Flash!
I see the closed door
Flash!
I see my keys in my bag.

Take that brain!

I pop back into the house through the back door
(without needing to unlock it),
To grab my sunglasses,
And we are on our way.

Swingers

Come try this, Sissy!

She has been spinning around on the tire swing-
Round and round,
Smile getting wider with every rotation,
Hair swirling behind.

Her sister is intrigued.
She hops down from the play structure,
Abandoning her castle and its subjects
To join in the game.

With two the fun is
Amplified.
Smiles turn to giggles.
Giggles turn into waves of laughter
That cascade over me as I reach my hand
Into the swirling rainbow of color
To grab on to the chain link
And provide more thrust for their endeavor.

Just when it seems as though they will want to spin forever,
An abrupt "stop" is called for.
They dismount and walk two
Separate erratic lines.
Their balance left behind on the swing -
Now abandoned,
That continues to slowly rotate
As its former occupants wander off
Continuing their daily fight against
Gravity.

A Treatise on Global Climate Change

The scientist part of me
Believes that the global change in our climate
Is likely due to a marked increase in
Carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gasses
In our atmosphere
Coupled with massive deforestation.

The dad part of me
Believes that it is probably
Because you kids left the door open
While I had the heat on.

The Perfect Soccer Player

His shorts are too big.
His socks are too long.
His shin guards don't buckle.
His shirt is grass stained.
His ball is under-inflated.
His cleats are poorly tied.

He is excited.
He is happy.
He is ready to try.
He is ready to be part of a team.

And there will be a snack.

Not Cute

I know it won't be
Quite so cute
When they are turning
Twenty-free.

I don't think you can ask
"What did you said?"
In a college seminar
And still pass.

Their friends may
Postpone the picnic
If they offer to bring the binkit.

But part of me wishes
They would talk like
Toddlers forever.

I am Needed Here

I have a To-Do list
With nothing done.
There are dishes in the sink.
There is milk on the counter.
But this hand needs to be held.

I have laundry to do.
The floor needs to be swept.
Dinner hasn't been started.
She has a fever.

There is mail to sort.
The recycling needs emptied.
The compost bin is full.
Tomorrow's lunchboxes are still empty.
She just fell asleep.

There is nothing else
That is more important to me than this.
I will stay right here and hold this hand,
While she dreams of the things
She will do when she feels better.

Playground Science

The kids clamber over the playground
Like ants on a drop of melted ice cream on the sidewalk.
There must be intent at the heart of their activity,
But from without it looks like chaos.

The children form a nucleus
About which the parents flit in an electron cloud.
As uncertain as Heisenberg's principle if they will be needed
At any moment to swoop in and dust off
Knees caked with dirt and wood chips or
Kiss a boo boo on an elbow.

The at home mothers act as if they have known each other for years
Despite meeting just minutes before.
They engage vigorously in conversation about baby names and the unseasonable weather.
The at home fathers barely make eye contact with each other,
To socially embarrassed or deconditioned to even offer each other,
"Nice beard."